Give us a wide berth the first few weeks back!

By Jack Elliott
Contributor

We all have them. Signals or body language. Indications of how we react to other people’s conduct. Here on the Beach as we conclude our winter sojourn, it’s time to review what we’ve learned or unlearned over the winter.
The foremost lesson, important for the drive home is turn indicators. They are apparently a social taboo in Florida as no one, including the cops, deemed them particularly necessary. It’s just, “Watch out for me and know where the h@#$ I’m going, because I haven’t a clue and don’t know my right from my left anyways.” By the time we hit northern Illinois we should be pretty well retrained, but just in case give us a wide berth for the first few weeks back in Rainy.
On the personal front, my wife, The Pearl of the Orient, and I have been refining our own personal signals to keep the channels of communications open when amongst a crowd. For example, if the Pearl is treading down a path I deem to be unwise or incorrect, I keep my mouth shut. In private it’s another matter as I have honed my listening skills to the point I simply filter out any unpleasantness. Becoming stone deaf has further enhanced that skill set.
The Pearl on the other hand, has deemed my conduct, verging on indiscreet senility to be socially unacceptable, has had to put considerable more effort into guiding my behavior.
“Oh, Jack that story gets better every time you tell it,” no longer seems to appropriately stifle me. I just talk longer and add a few new tidbits to the saga.
In a recent discussion of similar faults in others over the winter we decided a whole new set of signals was necessary. They would be physical, rather than verbal, giving me the opportunity to alter my conduct without personal embarrassment. An elbow to the ribs was abandoned after a few trials as I made a point of moving well out of striking range.
Then the Pearl hit on two solutions. Number one was I would keep my mouth shut. In the event I felt the necessity to speak, the Pearl would monitor my words and immediately she felt censorship was in order, would tug on her left ear lobe. If my gaff looked really bad and demanded I stop and apologize immediately, she would tug on both ear lobes immediately.
We’ve had this non-verbal signaling protocol in effect for two weeks and I guess it is working OK. But the Pearl’s ear lobes are now an inch longer.