Prudent pruning

By Jack Elliott
Contributor

The growth this season has been simply amazing. The sweet corn is up to an elephant’s eye and the poachers will be able to hide in the patch in broad daylight without danger of detection. Of course, if they get tangled up with my new high-powered electric fence, bladder control could be out the window- or down the leg.
The leaves and branches hanging down over the sidewalks have become quite a hazard around the community. At the debating table at the bakery just this morning, Pickle was commenting how he would have to suspend his bike trips on the sidewalk as there simply wasn’t enough head clearance.
The Runt pointed out he was supposed to ride on the road, not the sidewalk. After all, that’s what the law says, he stated as he held out his cup for his fifth refill.
Pickle just about choked on his raisin toast, sputtering, and “The road! Are you crazy? There’s way too many people out there who might want to run me down!”
“Road or sidewalk, what’s the dif? You know what the drivers in this town are like,” replied the Runt gazing longingly at Pickle’s toast.
But some in town have taken the excessive growth in hand with a little prudent pruning.
“That branch is hanging way too low over the walk! You’ll just have to cut a chunk off it” stated Rosebud. After a few more forceful comments she managed to stir Hermie from his prostrate position in front of the fan.
Hermie dug out the ladder and leaned it up against the offending limb just short of where the cut should be. Rosebud gave directions.
“I’ll steady the ladder. You scamper up it and nip off the end of that limb,” instructed Rosebud. Remember it’s been quite a while since Hermie scampered anyplace, let alone up a ladder.
Hermie fired up the saw and gingerly ascended towards heaven and with the ladder swaying admonished,” Hold ‘er steady now Rosebud!”
Hermie place the saw at the appointed cut point and revved the engine.
“Vroooom!” the cut was made and the offending branch tumbled earthwards, just brushing Rosebud.
The main branch now relieved of its extra weight leapt upwards a full three feet- a full foot above the top of the ladder.
“Whoa!” screamed Hermie desperately trying to keep his balance as the ladder teetered back and forth.
“Quick scamper down!” warned Rosebud as she tried desperately to steady the ladder. Did I mention Hermie doesn’t scamper?
Finally in desperation Hermie jumped managing to miss Rosebud, but landing square on his heels. He should complete rehab in a couple more months.
No word if the pair will now offer pruning services throughout the community. Perhaps they will take their act on the road, Cirque de Rainy.