Domestic diplomacy

By Jack Elliott
Contributor

It should be an obvious fact. The truth must be subordinate to domestic diplomacy. Unfortunately the soaring divorce rate of the past decades has proven the obvious is not that obvious. Time for some examples of how to be a diplomat.
The Pearl of the Orient and I have it down to a fine science. I for instance don’t make a major issue out of my wife’s encounters with the side of the garage door. I simply clean off the guilty paint smears and ignore the dents… that is until she tries to make a U-turn while backing out of the garage.
And the Pearl in turn ignores my many faults by not mentioning them too often. Like my past yearnings to be a farmer… an unmitigated disaster, or my more recent… That’s strange; I can’t recall doing anything stupid in the last couple of decades. A failing memory is obviously a good thing.
But the Pearl and I aren’t the only ones taking domestic diplomacy to the highest levels. Take Jim and Penny. Penny recently placed the cordless electric kettle on the stove top, turned on the stove top element, and left the room, leaving the kettle to heat up some water for a nice cup of tea.
A few minutes later she began shouting at hubby to please shut the door to the utility room where he was busy staining some hardwood trim.
“The stink of that stain is giving me a terrible headache. Close the door!” she shouted down the hall. Jim did not respond he was busy staining and bopping to the blast of his classic country collection… behind the tightly closed door.
His lack of response brought Penny striding out of her seclusion into the living room where she was confronted by the stench of burning plastic and clouds of black smoke roiling up from the electric kettle as it was quickly melting on the stove element.
“Jimmmmm!” this shriek overpowered Travis Tritt and super Jim rushed to the rescue, quickly disposing of the smoking mess. The windows were all opened, and two days of scraping, wiping and washing, returned the castle to its former spotless,
elegant self.
There were no recriminations beyond a, “If we don’t close those windows soon we are going to have birds flying around the house,” from Jim. He is a man wise beyond his years.
Penny’s sense also quickly reasserted itself with, “Jim, you really should buy that new bike you have been lusting after. You’re a hero. You deserve it!”
But perhaps the best domestic diplomacy retort ever came from Norm. His bride had prepared a special recipe made from his carefully harvested wild game.
“Is it good? How do you like it?” quizzed Emily following the special candle-lit supper. After all they were recently married at the time.
Decades later, she recalled Norm’s carefully crafted reply, a reply portending a long, loving and stable, as well as interesting marriage.
“Well, perhaps I wouldn’t want it every year.”