Buck fever

By Jack Elliott
Contributor

With winter close upon us and the Rainy starting to skim over with ice, the topic at the Debating Table in the Bakery in Rainy River has changed from lunker walleye to the big buck. The finesse carbon fibre rod and reel tension have been forgone in favour of the best ammo, accurate sighting techniques, doe scent, and tree stand etiquette.
“Had to make a major purchase this week. I don’t know if I can afford toast this morning,” commented Pickle, his nervous twitch emphasizing the serious nature of parting with hard cash.
“Don’t tell me was it a new snowmobile? A new rifle? A chainsaw?” I wondered aloud. The topic required further investigation.
“Oh goodness no!’ gasped Pickle shocked at such flagrant excesses. “I had to buy a rifle bullet for this year’s hunt.”
“One bullet? And what’s the rush you never fire at anything until the end of the season, and then it’s usually too late,” I commented holding my cup out for my 4th refill.
“Elliott I thought you were going south? When are you leaving? Besides I only have one tag, so I only need one shot,” he chided slopping a bit of scalding coffee on my fingers.
“You should have seen the herd of jumpers running around out by Sleeman. Must have been 20 of ‘em,” cut in Moose who had just come in after the usual morning patrol of his rural estate, running off trespassers.
“Twenty! Why there was at least thirty. You weren’t checking close enough,” cut in Hardrock. Hardrock has recently joined the Debating Table after deciding to retire here from the mines in the Sudbury area. He’s spent so much time underground that everything in the above ground world now looms larger than is natural. Sort of like a groundhog early in the spring amazed at the wide open spaces. Like the rest of the gathering he knows a lot about everything and since he is approaching retirement he has the time to tell us about it. He’ll fit right in.
“There you go Moose. You’re trumped again,” observed The Runt who unlike Pickle does not hesitate to splurge on an order of toast.
Big buck tales continued for the next hour. They might best be described as high fiction. An extensive list of necessary supplies for the season was also reviewed. This included a fairly fresh set of antlers likely from a road kill- the most reliable source, a hack saw and a tube of Gorilla glue. It seems the rack on many a buck has mysteriously vanished just after the trigger has been squeezed and you may need it to grow and attach a new set before the game warden shows up.
Proper furnishing of the hunting shack also was covered. A newer, comfy couch to replace the mouse infested relic from past years is a good idea. After all you may need to spend the night due to post hunt dizziness. Also saunas and hot tubs are gaining popularity, although both carry the added liability of not only scaring off the deer, but also the chance of being mistaken for, and bagged as a Sasquatch.
Personally I think I stick to hamburgers and walleye. And I’ll even head south.