The Kinky Age!

By Jack Elliott
Correspondent

The Pearl of the Orient – my wife and I have been spending a good deal of quality time together this past month. This weekend was no exception. You see I’m kind of kinky.
Now don’t get the wrong idea, it’s my old bod that has gone kinky. A bit of minor surgery, a bum knee, and a – well, kinky back had me on reduced duty, just at that time of the year when there are certain chores that require a bit more physical activity than usual.
It started in the flower bed as I prepared to move some perennials. I made it down to my hands and knees. I didn’t make it back up. It wasn’t because the Pearl pasted me with the shovel when she had me that close to the ground and right on dirt so easy to dig that a shallow grave would have been a snap. And with daisies growing in that particular spot, it might have seemed quite appropriate.
No it was just that abused spine going kinky again.
“Elliott, if you would get your butt out of bed in the morning and get some exercise in the pool you wouldn’t always be having this problem,” nagged....er suggested the Pearl as she looked ready with that shovel to take a swipe at my head, but then hesitated when I mentioned I would be well in time to chauffeur her to Florida for the winter.
“You and Moeregard are a fine pair. If you’d both cut back on the feed bag and move about a little more both of you could stop complaining about your backs,” she added as she threw down the shovel in disgust.
I managed to crawl out of the garden and pull myself up on the front door railing. I headed inside for a hot shower to quiet the spasms.
“If you’re going inside, strip off those clothes. They’re all covered with mud,” ordered the Pearl as she reached for the garden hose. The daycare centre next door has moved to new quarters so there won’t be any complaints from enraged parents about my nude display on the front steps.
However, I did get the attention of the newlyweds across the street. I could hear their thoughts.
“Eeeyew! Old people getting naked in the middle of the day! Gross! Maybe we’d better move!”
The shower and a little R&R stopped the back from screaming, but I didn’t dare bend over, so although I could run the digging fork, I left the gathering of the spuds to the Pearl. Togetherness.
At the Bakery, I no longer jump up to pour refills, but rather hold out my cup and whine. It’s working so far.
For the Great Pumpkin Festival, I had to beg Pickle and the Runt to come over to the patch load my golden gourd. I am grateful, except Pickle spent the whole time telling me every thing I was doing wrong in pumpkin production... and we are not even married.
Anyways, Moeregard and I along with Giggles and the Pearl are taking in the exercise sessions at the pool. After the first one we stopped at the house for toasted tomato sandwiches. The second day we added bacon, muffins and cheese to the spread. The last time we went out for dinner- a full slab of BBQ ribs with all the trimmings.
So far I’ve gained another five pounds.